Health & Wellness

My Current Battle With Self-Love

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If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve been talking all month about self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem. At the end of January, I had an oldie-but-goodie blog featured on Thought Catalog, an online publication that I have been an avid reader of for years. I am amazed that it has over 4,000 views!

In February, a fellow blogging friend invited me to share a letter to my younger-self. The #Dear20 series is a beautiful compilation of strength, overcoming adversity, and stories of learning to love yourself. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you can read my letter here.

Ironically enough, my current battle with self-love kind of relates to that letter.

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Before the winter holiday season, I had been so committed to my workout regimen. I was as strong as ever because I was actually eating the right food to build muscle and lean out. I was putting in serious work. However, as you all read in My Sweetest Melody, the flu took me down for the count.

And ever since, I have been struggling to get back to my gym routine. A lot of people check in and ask if I’m back in the gym and my response is always, “I got really sick over the holidays and have been struggling to get back in there.”

And this is where my current battle comes in… I have been so mean and cruel in response to my own self. So. Much. Negativity.

“Hello chins!”

“Oh look, your waist-line disappeared again.”

“Also, you have a new stretch mark.”

“Good luck fitting in your bathing suits from last year.”

As if I’m defined by my external shell. As if the time out of the gym hasn’t been well-spent… I mean… I had not one, but TWO blog features. Not to mention that I have been beyond consistent with my social media strategy (i.e., Pinterest and Instagram), something that has been a struggle for me since day one.

At the start of this week, I have been making a conscious effort to rid my internal voice of such negative self-talk, because in reality, all it does is send me into a downward spiral to the point where I just throw my hands up and say, “Well, then why even bother!?”

So my self-talk this week has been 1) way kinder and gentler and 2) focused on the little choices I am making to start heading back in the right direction of feeling better and healthier again. Note that I did not say “looking” better. Some examples:

1. Am I currently eating a small bag of Doritos? Yes. And that’s okay… because it’s not the big Family Size bag that I love to crush in one sitting.

2. Did I treat myself to a smoothie from Tropical Smoothie as well? Yes. But guess what, I chose the NO Sugar Added option, reducing the overall calories by over 300!

3. Did I sweat my ass off in the gym at all this week? Nope. But I have walked two miles on my lunch break every day and burned 200 calories each time!

You know what is even more meaningful to me than all of that, though? The phone call I got from my dear friend after she received a gift I sent her in the mail.

Last week, I was scrolling through Instagram and saw an ad for a dainty necklace with a camera charm. I read the message and just knew my friend HAD to have it. Photography is her passion and the way she hustles with her business has always inspired me. I wanted her to always have this reminder (both the necklace and the message) of her gift and why she should share it with the world.

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I bring this story up because it meant more to her than I could have ever imagined. She pointed out that I could have just screen-shotted and sent it to her like, “This made me think of you.” Hearing her thank me over and over and tell me it was the most thoughtful gift she had ever received, made me sit back tonight and re-read that message above.

She captures love, captures light, and captures life. Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to spread all of those things.

And based on everything I’ve mentioned in this blog that I’ve accomplished in 2019, this simple gift I gave, and a few others instances, like a complete stranger DM-ing me on Instagram inviting me to join her Facebook group because she “likes to surround herself with positive people” like myself… I’d say I’m succeeding.

And damn… if that’s not something to love about myself, I don’t know what is. But enough about me… I want to hear from YOU. Have you done anything recently for yourself or someone else that made you step back and think: “I love myself for doing that?” Share with me in the comments below!

FEATURE IMAGE BY: ETHAN HOOVER

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6 thoughts on “My Current Battle With Self-Love

  1. Why do I always cry and feel inspired every time I read your melodies?? Keep doing what you’re doing because even if nobody ever tells you..someone is watching and becoming a better them from watching you..Forever grateful for the gifts you gave me..physical and mentally.
    Xoxo, Marci

    1. OKAY NOW I’M CRYING! 😩 Thank you, Marci! I screenshot feedback like this and read it whenever I’m feeling discouraged about this journey I’m on. I appreciate you more than you know! XO, Melanie

  2. Aww Mel! This was refreshing to read this morning.
    Kudos to you for all your accomplishments. They outnumber your shortcomings by a landslide. I’m super proud. Your message about self love is something we all need these days. I’m definitely guilty of beating myself up from time to time for not looking how I used to lol but I tell myself that life is about change and loving who we’ve become .🥰
    Your positivity is radiant ❤️

    1. Marvah, THANK YOU so much for reading and, more importantly, for this message. 😩 Your words of encouragement mean so much, as does your continued support. And I’m glad that I am not alone. There is a time and place for tough love but we also need to make more time to love and honor… as you said, who we’ve become. XO, Melanie

  3. It’s amazing how many of us struggle with self-love and showing ourselves the same love & respect that we so often give to others (sometimes others who aren’t even deserving of it). The strongest relationship you can have is with yourself, so I think it’s amazing that you’re taking the first time of just realizing that you need to change the little voice inside your head. Kudos to you and I appreciate the reminder 😊

    1. Hi Briana! Yes!! I have definitely been guilty of giving so much love to others, especially those who are undeserving of it. And yes, my girl Carrie Bradshaw said it best, I think: “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.” 💛💛💛 Thanks for reading, love! XX, Melanie

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